Who said what others think of me is none of my business

What you think of me is none of my business. It sounds strange. Surely, my reputation in the eyes of others is my business? Most people struggle to come to terms with this concept. In a world where people virtually sell their souls for a glimpse of success and, television is dominated by a constant bombardment of 'reality' television; how can we not be concerned by others'  opinions of us. When I first heard of this philosophy, I rejected it but when I finally adopted it, I quickly experienced reduced stress, reduced anxiety and reduced worry. As a consequence, my life became a happier and healthier experience. So I would urge you to consider adopting the philosophy 'what you think of me is none of my business'.

Why I adopted 'what you think of me is none of my business' as my philosophy

As a kid I was always very fat, or as I prefer to say; I was pleasantly plump.  There probably isn't a name that I was not called but there is one incident that really sticks in my mind.

When I was 15, I was walking back to school following lunch break. As I walked in the gates I met 3 of my class mates; 2 girls and 1 boy. They ran over to me all excited as if they had some major news for me. They told me that, the year before, another girl from the class had fancied me. The excitement was gone though. Now they were in fits of laughter. They spent the next five minutes (though it felt like an eternity) laughing into my face at the idea that a girl could like me. I let them finish their laughing and casually walked off, pretending not be hurt. But it hurt that day and it hurt for a long time afterwards.

The bitterness and hurt that I felt over this incident and the many others instances of abuse, only subsided when I read the following quote by 'Dr. Wayne W. Dyer':

What you think of me is none of my business

It took some time to accept but eventually, I realised that I was partly responsible for the pain that I had felt. I could not control what others thought of me; no more than I could control their actions. The one thing I had under my control was my reaction to their behaviour. What others think of me will never have any importance to me, unless I choose to give it that importance. It cannot hurt me unless I choose to let it hurt me.

For this reason I now try to live my life by the philosophy of 'what you think of me is none of my business'. I try not to get upset when somebody insults me and I try not to get carried away when someone compliments me. I realise that whether the other person thinks positively or negatively of me, it has no bearing. I am still the same person either way.

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“Terry Cole-Whittaker’s positive methods have stimulated thousands to recognize and utilize their potential to reach higher and higher personal goals.”—John F. Zaccaro, author of Climb Your Own Mountain and Fortune 500 business consultant

“Terry Cole-Whittaker knows how important it is to 'fail to succeed'—that is, to learn from the kind of failures we all have, and use them as teachers to find our higher purpose and a better future.”—Spencer Johnson, M.D., author of

About the Author

Terry Cole-Whittaker is considered to be one of the premier inspirational and spiritual teachers and empowerment speakers in the world. Her Emmy-winning television ministry, “With Love, Rev. Terry,” aired on 400 stations, reached millions and inspired many to pursue a life of service, life-coaching, spiritual teaching, and healing. Dr. Terry’s pioneering work opened the door for a plethora of motivational speakers, best-selling authors, ministers, and leaders to come forth and succeed, and her ministry outreach and bestselling books made metaphysical teachings part of mainstream America. Her positive methods have reached tens of thousands through classes, seminars, workshops, counseling, TV and radio.

Photo credit: Joshua Earle

This article is a little bit different than all the other ones. In this one I’m not sharing what I’ve learned through reading a bunch of scientific studies, but rather something personal. I used to worry a lot about what other people think about me. I would get consumed by it and play lots of different variations out in my head, this would take up hours in my day.

Eventually, I came to the realizations I share below. These are what made the change for me. They switched off that “Oh what are they thinking?” switch in my head and I’m sure they can work for you as well.

Had it not been for this, I would probably never have started writing these articles. Putting myself out there would have been my worst nightmare.

But lets start at the beginning.

It all started in High School, as I’m sure it does for most of us. High School is a period in your life where you are almost solely preoccupied with what other people think about you. “What’s cool?”, “What do they think about my hair?”, “What do they think about my clothing?”, “Oh, I hope they like me.”.

What makes it comical, when you look back, is that the cool kids were the ones that acted like they didn’t care about what other people thought. The ones that just did what they wanted. Oh how we wished we could have been like them.

This continues even after High School. In college, you want to be invited to all the parties, you are wondering what that cute girl at the other end of the bar thinks about you….. “Does she like me? Does she think I’m cute? Should I go over there and talk to her?”

Later on, you worry about what your boss thinks, what your kids think, what the random stranger across from you on the train thinks about you……

I’m here to tell you a little secret.

What they think about you really does not matter.

The only thing that matters is what you think about yourself.

Here’s why:

1.You can not read minds, so stop acting like you can

I’m sorry, unless you are some super hero hiding your abilities from the world, living a secret life of crime fighting, you can not read people’s minds. So why do we all act like we can?

We assume we know what people are saying “Oh they all hate my dress” or that you know what they are thinking “Oh they all think I’m fat”. I’m sorry to break the news to you but that is just you deciding for them what they are thinking.

The kicker is that because of things like your negativity bias you usually assume negative things. How many times have you found yourself thinking “Oh they all love my dress”? Never. Our brains just aren’t wired that way.

So first lesson I learned. Stop acting like a superhero, you’re not one and you are probably making the wrong assumptions.

(To the real super heroes out there, don’t worry about this one, keep fighting the good fight)

2. Your own thoughts are the only thing you can control

I think Marcus Aurelius said it best: “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts”

When you are preoccupied with what other people think, you are not in control of your own thoughts. You are trying to achieve what you think other people think you should achieve. Read that sentence again. That’s messed up!!!

You can’t control what they are thinking or why they are thinking it. Everyone has their own lives and own reasons for reacting the way they do.

The only person you really know and whose thoughts you can control, is yourself. So start controlling what you think.

3. A focused mind is one of the most powerful things on earth

We are all living in the future, living in the past or trying to live in someone else’s mind.

If you are worrying about what other people think, you will never really focus on what you want in life. Happiness isn’t achieving someone else’s ideals for you, but achieving what is important to you.

The problem is that most people don’t know what makes them happy. You spend all of your energy on what makes other people happy. Start focusing on what you enjoy in life.

We are all cognitive misers, if you spend your limited cognition worrying about other people you won’t have anything left to focus on what really makes you happy.

To summarise

What other people think doesn’t matter, all that matters is what you think.

1.Stop acting like a superhero,

2.You can only control your own thoughts

3.Start focusing.

Along the way you are going to have to deal with stress and you are going to feel like the whole world is against you. Don’t worry that’s normal.

You are going to need some tools to deal with these situations and I’ve shared some of the techniques I use to handlestress and negativity in previous articles. Give them a try.

I’m not saying they are fool proof or that they will work for everyone, but they worked for me.

If you find something else that works for you I would love to hear about it.

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Who said what others think of you is none of your business?

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What people think about you is not your responsibility?