Can your communication be ethical without both effectiveness and appropriateness?

See also: Improving Communication Skills

There are many reasons why interpersonal communications may fail. In many communications, the message (what is said) may not be received exactly the way the sender intended. It is, therefore, important that the communicator seeks feedback to check that their message is clearly understood.

The skills of Active Listening, Clarification and Reflection may help but the skilled communicator also needs to be aware of the barriers to effective communication and how to avoid or overcome them.

There are many barriers to communication and these may occur at any stage in the communication process. Barriers may lead to your message becoming distorted and you therefore risk wasting both time and/or money by causing confusion and misunderstanding. 

Effective communication involves overcoming these barriers and conveying a clear and concise message. 

Common Barriers to Effective Communication:

• The use of jargon. Over-complicated, unfamiliar and/or technical terms.

• Emotional barriers and taboos. Some people may find it difficult to express their emotions and some topics may be completely 'off-limits' or taboo. Taboo or difficult topics may include, but are not limited to, politics, religion, disabilities (mental and physical), sexuality and sex, racism and any opinion that may be seen as unpopular.

• Lack of attention, interest, distractions, or irrelevance to the receiver. (See our page Barriers to Effective Listening for more information).

• Differences in perception and viewpoint.

• Physical disabilities such as hearing problems or speech difficulties.

• Physical barriers to non-verbal communication. Not being able to see the non-verbal cues, gestures, posture and general body language can make communication less effective. Phone calls, text messages and other communication methods that rely on technology are often less effective than face-to-face communication.

• Language differences and the difficulty in understanding unfamiliar accents.

• Expectations and prejudices which may lead to false assumptions or stereotyping.  People often hear what they expect to hear rather than what is actually said and jump to incorrect conclusions. Our page The Ladder of Inference explains this in more detail.

• Cultural differences.  The norms of social interaction vary greatly in different cultures, as do the way in which emotions are expressed. For example, the concept of personal space varies between cultures and between different social settings. See our page on Intercultural Awareness for more information.

Language and linguistic ability may act as a barrier to communication.

However, even when communicating in the same language, the terminology used in a message may act as a barrier if it is not fully understood by the receiver(s). For example, a message that includes a lot of specialist jargon and abbreviations will not be understood by a receiver who is not familiar with the terminology used.

Regional colloquialisms and expressions may be misinterpreted or even considered offensive. See our page: Effective Speaking for more information.

Psychological Barriers

The psychological state of the communicators will influence how the message is sent, received and perceived.

For example:

If someone is stressed they may be preoccupied by personal concerns and not as receptive to the message as if they were not stressed.

Stress management is an important personal skill that affects our interpersonal relationships. See our pages Stress: Symptoms and Triggers and Avoiding Stress for more information.

Anger is another example of a psychological barrier to communication. When we are angry it is easy to say things that we may later regret, and also to misinterpret what others are saying.

See our pages: What is Anger? and Anger Management for more information.

More generally people with low self-esteem may be less assertive and therefore may not feel comfortable communicating - they may feel shy or embarrassed about saying how they really feel, or read unintended negative sub-texts in messages they hear.

Visit our pages on Improving Self-Esteem and Assertiveness for more information.

Physiological Barriers

Physiological barriers to communication may result from the receiver’s physical state.

For example, a receiver with reduced hearing may not fully grasp the content of a spoken conversation especially if there is significant background noise.

Physical Barriers

An example of a physical barrier to communication is geographic distance between the sender and receiver(s).

Communication is generally easier over shorter distances as more communication channels are available and less technology is required. The ideal communication is face-to-face.

Although modern technology often helps to reduce the impact of physical barriers, the advantages and disadvantages of each communication channel should be understood so that an appropriate channel can be used to overcome the physical barriers.

Systematic Barriers

Systematic barriers to communication may exist in structures and organisations where there are inefficient or inappropriate information systems and communication channels, or where there is a lack of understanding of the roles and responsibilities for communication. In such organisations, people may be unclear of their role in the communication process and therefore not know what is expected of them.

Attitudinal Barriers

Attitudinal barriers are behaviours or perceptions that prevent people from communicating effectively.

Attitudinal barriers to communication may result from personality conflicts, poor management, resistance to change or a lack of motivation. To be an effective receiver of messages you should attempt to overcome your own attitudinal barriers to to help ensure more effective communication.

Further Reading from Skills You Need

The Skills You Need Guide to Interpersonal Skills eBooks.

Develop your interpersonal skills with our series of eBooks. Learn about and improve your communication skills, tackle conflict resolution, mediate in difficult situations, and develop your emotional intelligence.

To improve your overall communication skills you need to be aware of, and attempt to minimise, any barriers to communication that are present.

By developing your emotional intelligence you will become more aware of how to communicate with others in the most appropriate and effective ways.

Take our Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment to find out your strengths and weakness.

• set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television
• think about what you want to say
• be clear about what you want to communicate
• make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean
• talk about what is happening and how it affects you
• talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’
• accept responsibility for your own feelings
• listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy)
• share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you
• be aware of your tone of voice
• negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or agree to disagree.

Non-verbal communication

When we communicate, we can say a lot without speaking. Our body posture, tone of voice and the expressions on our face all convey a message. These non-verbal means of communicating can tell the other person how we feel about them.

If our feelings don’t fit with our words, it is often the non-verbal communication that gets ‘heard’ and believed. For example, saying ‘I love you’ to your partner in a flat, bored tone of voice, gives 2 very different messages. Notice whether your body language reflects what you are saying.

Listening and communication

Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partner to talk openly and honestly. Tips for good listening include:

• Keep comfortable eye contact (where culturally appropriate).
• Lean towards the other person and make gestures to show interest and concern.
• Have an open, non-defensive, fairly relaxed posture with your arms and legs uncrossed.
• Face the other person – don’t sit or stand sideways.
• Sit or stand on the same level to avoid looking up to or down on the other person.
• Avoid distracting gestures such as fidgeting with a pen, glancing at papers, or tapping your feet or fingers.
• Be aware that physical barriers, noise or interruptions will make good communication difficult. Mute telephones or other communication devices to ensure you are really listening.
• Let the other person speak without interruption.
• Show genuine attention and interest.
• Use assertive statements like ‘I feel…about…’, ‘What I need is…’.
• Be aware of your tone.
• Be prepared to take time out if you are feeling really angry about something. It might be better to calm down before you address the issue.
• Ask for feedback on your listening from the other person.

Improving communication in a relationship

Open and clear communication can be learnt. Some people find it hard to talk and may need time and encouragement to express their views. These people may be good listeners, or they may be people whose actions speak louder than their words.

You can help to improve your communication by:

• building companionship – sharing experiences, interests and concerns with your partner, and showing affection and appreciation
• sharing intimacy – intimacy is not only a sexual connection. Intimacy is created by having moments of feeling close and attached to your partner. It means being able to comfort and be comforted, and to be open and honest. An act of intimacy can be as simple as bringing your partner a cup of tea because you can tell they are tired
• finding one or 2 key issues you can agree on, such as how finances are distributed, a goal you have, or your parenting styles or strategies.

To improve the way you communicate, start by asking questions such as:

• What things cause conflict between you and your partner? Are they because you are not listening to each other?
• What things bring you happiness and feelings of connection?
• What things cause you disappointment and pain?
• What things don’t you talk about and what stops you talking about them?
• How would you like your communication with your partner to be different?

If possible, ask these questions with your partner and share your responses. Consider, and try, ways to communicate differently. See whether the results improve your communication.

When you are more aware of how you communicate, you will be able to have more control over what happens between you. While it may not be easy at first, opening up new areas of communication can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

Some things are difficult to communicate

Most of us find some experiences or topics difficult to talk about. It may be something that is painful or makes us feel uncomfortable. For example, some people find it difficult to express their emotions. It is often the things that cannot be talked about that hurt the most.

If you are having difficulty expressing yourself, or talking with your partner about something, you might find it helps to talk to a counsellor.

Managing conflict with communication

Tips for how to manage conflict with communication include:

• Avoid using the silent treatment.
• Don’t jump to conclusions. Find out all the facts rather than guessing at motives.
• Discuss what actually happened. Don’t judge.
• Learn to understand each other, not to defeat each other.
• Talk using the future and present tense, not the past tense.
• Concentrate on the major problem, and don’t get distracted by other minor problems.
• Talk about the problems that hurt your or your partner’s feelings, then move on to problems about differences in opinions.
• Use ‘I feel’ statements, not ‘You are’ statements.

Seeking help for communication issues

If you can’t seem to improve the communication in your relationship, consider talking with a relationship counsellor. Counsellors are trained to recognise the patterns in a couple’s communication that are causing problems and to help change those patterns, as well as providing strategies, tips and a safe place to explore issues.

You could also consider doing a course that is relevant to your relationship. It is better to act early and talk to someone about your concerns, rather than wait until things get worse.

Where to get help

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

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